Iustin44
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After isolating the UI almost like a standard user, I found out that the TabBarController was the problem.
No matter what background picture i'd set, either from storyboard or from the controller class, the app would crash once it would instantiate the tabbar controller. As the tabbar had a background image already, there we go with the 5/5 crash after update.
Very strange
Thanks for the help @eksimo