FWIW, I've managed to implement an (almost) codeless DriverKit extension that blocks the HID driver from loading for some specific devices. I don't know if it's possible to instruct the system to load a DriverKit extension at boot.
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I found the problem. My DEXT code wasn't being loaded at all. See my answer here: https://stackoverflow.com/a/61818712/7445.
This doesn't really answer your question, but here's some information about potential causes for kernel_task causing high load: https://mjtsai.com/blog/2020/04/23/throttling-due-to-thunderbolt-left-proximity-sensor/To delete the KEXT, you can disable SIP temporarily.
IOUserServerName should have the bundle identifier that you use for your DEXT. If you are using a standard Xcode setup, you can put $(PRODUCT_BUNDLE_IDENTIFIER) to have it filled in during the build.You can see an example here: https://github.com/knightsc/USBApp/blob/master/MyUserUSBInterfaceDriver/Info.plist