I have the exact same problem and I am looking for a solution.
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I just discovered this one sentence in wwdc20-10031: "List contents are always loaded lazily".
Time to give this another bump: Is there any news in Xcode 12 on this topic?
I strongly support your opinion. In my case its not about appearance but configuration that the user changes inside the app. Its really annoying to not be able to update the widget to represent the new settings immediately.
I stumbled on this issue as well today in Xcode Version 14.0 beta 3 (14A5270f) . The workaround does work but it only lasts for a very short time. When I add another preview variant it breaks again.