I was experiencing this as well. I had just updated my iPhone 11 Pro Max to 16.2, my Macbook to Ventura 13.1, and Xcode was freshly updated. I got Developer Mode to appear by:
turning off my phone for 10s
restarting my macbook
opening xcode
connecting my phone to my macbook
Hope this helps someone. ✌🏽
basia
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