Have you had any luck here? I'm looking into this as well and from what I can tell, Apple does this very thing when switching between the List and Grid view in Notes.
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ShapeEdit! ShapeEdit!
Bug in SwiftUI lifecycle — Apple acknowledged it in a ticket I put out but that's as far as I've gotten.
Testing NavigationLink(destination:tag:selection:) on iOS 13 results in behavior that's similar: Selection Occurs, the publisher fires the proper tag.
Selection is lost, the publisher fires nil twice
So it looks like in iOS 14 we are now getting some sort of weird hybrid behavior.
And using .tag on iOS 13 with List selection doesn't work at all so there must have been some work done to try and extend the capabilities.